Over the last year or so, I have had multiple people tell me that their kid is afraid of pooping in the potty. So I wanted to share some ideas for what can be done in this situation.
A few things to consider
Create an environment that is relaxed, semi-private, and includes laughter.
Look for ways to be patient, consistent, and understanding.
Make diaper changing less fun. Be boring about it. The potty is where the fun is at!
Diet: For constipation, try coconut anything (rather than adding fiber, which requires good hydration which is hard to control). Experiment with less processed foods. Look for intolerances. Experiment. Include good fats like olive oil, coconut oil, or pure butter (see Oh Crap! Potty Training). Check out books like Healthy Kids, Happy Kids by Dr. Elisa Song to find ways to support your child’s gut health. This is going to benefit not only potty training but their functioning in ALL areas of their life! Another book I am reading right now on nutrition is Good Energy by Dr. Casey Means. Both books suggest reducing processed foods in favor of eating real, unprocessed foods and reducing or eliminating added sugars, pesticides, and food coloring.
Position: Try putting some books under their feet or look for a “squatty potty” to help them to get into a good position for pooping. If they prefer to stand to poop, catch it with the potty bowl and they should switch over to sitting after a few times.
Location: Is this a kid who hides in a consistent place to poop in their diaper? If so, I might put the potty in that spot. Or you could say that we poop in the bathroom, and I’ll give you a diaper in the bathroom and then have them empty the diaper into the toilet when they are done.
Privacy: get them settled and then make an excuse to go to the other room.
Relaxation & laughter: We are teaching the child to learn to “let go”
Breathing to relieve anxiety and help them to let go: More kids are anxious and the diaper is their oldest security blanket. Consider something like “moo to poo” which is a way to breathe that helps us to LET GO. Remember that withholding is a muscular reaction to anxiety, so our job is to SPREAD CALM. Belly breathing is another great way to do this.
I always remind parents that stress that builds resilience is predictable, controllable, and moderate.
Predictable means: how can we help our child to know what to expect? Repetition is calming. Constantly switching tactics is not. Also, consider using pretend play, books, and songs to help reinforce what to expect. For example, “Many children in Toilet School learned to use the toilet only after their stuffed animals had paved the way with success on the potty. Helping their teddies succeed somehow gave them the confidence that they could do it, too.” (Lessons from Toilet School) Also, search your local library or bookstore or even Amazon to find books about potty training. Your local librarian is going to be a great source of information! Or search YouTube or Spotify or Apple Music to find songs about going potty. I always refer to Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street, but see if your child’s favorite character has anything about potty training!
Controllable menas: What are some choices that are OK with us? (Don’t offer a choice that isn’t really a choice!) Also, a little potty chair keeps the poop closer and lets them dump it out and see what came out of them which may give a sense of control.
Moderate means: How do we keep the challenge level not too easy but not too hard either?
Potential mantras:
It feels weird doesn’t it? And poop goes in the potty.
“You need to be their calm, not contribute to their chaos.” (Oh crap! Potty training)
“This feels different. I’m here if you need me. You got this.”
Validate feelings by saying that it’s weird and new but not by repeating back words like hurt or scared. “Open the poop gate and let the poop slide out”
Make it safe for your child to let go.
Help is on the way!
This is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. This is a topic that can go super deep. We know that every child follows their own path. (And sadly, Lessons from Toilet School was mentioning that toilet training is a period of time that is often linked with child abuse, presumably when parents get too frustrated with the process! I’m sure that’s not you, but also it’s OK to ask for help). If you want a listening ear to help you figure it out, then schedule a free consultation. Let me support you!
Resources:
Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right by Jamie Glowacki
Lessons from Toilet School by Ann Stadtler & Claudia Quigg
The No-Cry Potty Training Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Child Say Goodbye to Diapers by Elizabeth Pantley
