I recently was interviewed by Megan Latapie, president of Placer Birth Connection, about my new Pregnancy Date Night. Here’s what we talked about! You can find the video here.
Megan Latapie:
Well, hi, Lara Elfstrand from Little Elf Family Services.
Lara Elfstrand:
Hi, Megan.
Megan Latapie:
Hi. I was going to call you the baby whisper, a.k.a the relationship whisper, a.k.a the sleep whisper, a.k.a. the best postpartum doula in Placer County.
Lara Elfstrand:
Thank you, that's so sweet.
Megan Latapie:
Yeah, okay. So you have something super fun coming up that our audience needs to know about. And I think it's something that I have never really heard, in the way that you describe it. So tell us what you have going on.
Lara Elfstrand:
I have a special event coming up on Friday, December 3rd, called the Pregnancy Date Night. Something we don't talk about when we have a baby is that two thirds of couples who have a baby experience significant increases in hostility in their relationship. And it's so easy to just blame our partner, it's our partner's fault. They're not helping enough. They're not doing enough. We just feel so overwhelmed and sleep deprived in early postpartum. But there are things that we can do to reduce the stress and improve our ability to express our needs respectfully so that we protect and nurture our relationship as we grow our families, and my mission is to get the word out about what we can do to make postpartum more calm and less overwhelming.
So we are going to have 2 date night options for pregnant couples: one at 5:00 PM Pacific and one at 8:00 PM Pacific. And we're just going to have a super fun time. We're going to talk about: what the challenges are for new parents; what are the four behaviors that predict divorce; and we will talk about some things we can do to protect our relationships and have a better postpartum experience. And we're going to have a lot of fun in the process.
Megan Latapie:
I love it. So it's pregnant families who are deliberately taking the time for self care and self love in regards to their relationship, so that whenever baby comes, they can be in their best space together as a couple, and have the highest chance of meeting their own goals and their own expectations with parenthood and relationships. And I can tell you as a relatively new mama, that this is so needed. And I literally remember that first year looking at my husband and being like, we're all doing it wrong. And just tears streaming down my face and saying, I'm doing it wrong, you're doing it wrong. Baby's doing it wrong.
I think that had we taken more to get all of our little ducks in a row as best as we could mentally, set our expectations, and had a guide like you tell us, okay, so I know that this is what you think it might look like, but we're going to work together as a team and come up with some realistic expectations, and how to deal when those aren't being met. We might have been able to communicate at times better. We made it through with some blood, sweat, and tears, as you know parents do. But I think that at those moments at 2:00 AM, when baby's crying and everybody's exhausted, you can dig deep in the recesses of your mind and be like, what did Lara say? Oh yeah. Let's just take a hug. There’s nothing to figure out right now. And I don't know if this is one of your strategies, but I could have seen it maybe being helpful. Let's just take a break.
Lara Elfstrand:
Right? Yes. Just recognizing. Recognizing that we need to take a break, because one of the key things in behavior management is that the adult needs to be in control of the adult. We think the adult needs to be in control of the baby, but really, we need to often focus on being in control of ourselves first.
Megan Latapie:
Right. So minding our own tantrums and our own outbursts. And when we feel like crying, because our needs aren't being met. And it sounds like what this Pregnancy Date Night's going to do is offer more tools to help meet our own needs. Right? So that we can in turn meet our partner’s needs, when they're the ones that are feeling the stress in that moment. And then in turn, we can both meet our baby's needs better.
So what is this going to look like? Is this online? Is this via Zoom? Is this a website that people go to and sign up for? How do we do this date night?
Lara Elfstrand:
Yes. It's Friday, December 3rd. It’s going to be an hour long and we're going to meet on Zoom at either five o'clock Pacific or eight o'clock Pacific. When you go to pregnancydatenight.com, there will be a link at the bottom for either 5:00 PM or 8:00 PM. And then from there, it'll send you to Zoom to register and Zoom will send you the link after you've completed the registration form. And then we'll see you on Friday, December 3rd. We’re going to have an hour of fun. One of my big passions is that we learn by having fun.
Megan Latapie:
I love that.
And especially right now, sometimes when you're pregnant and you have so much going on, you don't really feel like getting dressed up, even though that's nice to do as well. But we don't always feel like getting dazzled and going on an actual date night because that can cause its own stresses.
So to be able to be like, Hey we're going get some tea or have some dinner, and then hop on this from the comfort of our home, and then be able to talk about it and stuff afterward. I love that.
Lara Elfstrand:
I really want this to be a special time to connect with your partner, and then learn a few things about pregnancy and preparing so that we have a better idea of what to expect. Because babies' needs these are just so different and and opposite in so many ways from an adult's needs. And it can be just so helpful to be aware of how they're the same, and how they're different, and how we can handle it.
Megan Latapie:
I love that you've mentioned a couple times, we're going to have fun. That's so important to remember. You don't have to take ourselves so seriously in this process.
And that we can bring some lightheartedness into our learning and especially with our relationships. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, whenever we think about the best times with our partners is when we're having fun. Right? Like when we're laughing together and when we're really genuinely enjoying each other's company. So for you to provide that space for couples to just let their hearts open up, and speak to one another, and to enjoy each other's company while at the same time learning these tools and these skills--that's great. So people just need to get over to pregnancydatenight.com and then the rest kind of falls into place. Right?
Lara Elfstrand:
Yes, exactly.
Megan Latapie:
On December 3rd. Okay. And I have one more question. Can people bring their bottle of wine to date night?
Lara Elfstrand:
To date night? I love the idea of having something festive, although I don't suggest alcohol for pregnant people.
Megan Latapie:
Good point. Maybe they're non-alcoholic sparkling champagne.
Lara Elfstrand:
You can bring something sparkly to drink, yes of course.
Megan Latapie:
What about a little candle or something?
Lara Elfstrand:
Lighting a candle is a great idea. And I often think that a hot herbal tea can be really soothing as well.
Megan Latapie:
Right, but just inviting couples to really make this a true night for themselves and not a sense of, oh, we got to drudge to this course that we're going to. But to really have fun with it, enjoy it in whatever way that looks like for that couple. Right?
Lara Elfstrand:
Totally.
Megan Latapie:
Yeah. Mine was a little kombucha and a pretty wine glass. That was my pregnancy go-to. It’s a little fizzy and has some probiotics.
Megan Latapie:
That sounds beautiful.
Lara Elfstrand:
Yes, and if you can’t make it, you can definitely follow me on social media.
You can find me me at
- pregnancydatenight.com
- little-elf.org
- instagram.com/little_elf_family_services
- facebook.com/lara.elfstrand
- facebook.com/LittleElfFamilyServices
- behervillage.com/partners/littleelffamilyservices
- facebook.com/groups/KALM.Connected.Families
Megan Latapie:
Perfect. Okay. Thanks Lara for giving us the scoop.
Lara Elfstrand:
Thank you so much, Megan.
Megan Latapie:
Thank you!
