Stress. We’ve all got it. We sometimes prefer to ignore it. Our bodies need a way to manage it so that it doesn’t make us sick—either physically, mentally, or emotionally.
Lately I’ve been working with my coaching clients on the concept of completing stress cycles. What that means is that we need to tell our bodies that the stress is done. So for example, if we were our ancestors who were out in the woods and we were being chased by a lion, we could fight the lion, we could run away from the lion (fight or flight), or if the lion really is going to get us, we could freeze and play dead and hope that the lion goes elsewhere. So our stress response system generally goes into fight, flight, or freeze. If we conquer that lion and either fight them or run away and we escape, we run back to our tribe. We jump up and down. We can big hugs and we tell our bodies that we feel safe. Whew! The danger is over!
But in the society that we live in today, most of the dangers are not like being chased like a lion. Most of them are things that are pervasive and more long lasting. And so we need more intentional ways that we complete the stress cycle by telling our bodies that we are safe. So on one hand, we need to deal with the actual stress or the thing that caused the stress. And on the other hand, we need to deal with our body that we really are safe. We need to do that on a daily basis, because the stress is going to build up on a daily basis. We need some routines that can help to reduce that stress and manage it and complete the stress cycle.
The most powerful way to complete stress cycles for most people is going to be exercise about 30 to 60 minutes of exercise at a level that raises your heart rate. If that doesn't work for you for some reason, some other options to think about are to experiment with things like:
breathing strategies,
meditation,
affection,
a six second kiss with someone that you love and have a trusting and safe relationship with,
a 20 second hug—long enough for you to feel that melting feeling
go take your dog for a walk or go on a walk by yourself. If you take your dog for a walk, maybe you get both affection AND exercise. The book doesn't talk about sunlight being good, but my understanding is that sunlight can also be something that can help to complete the stress cycle.
And interestingly, being nice to other people and having a positive social interaction can help to complete the stress cycle. Just going to your local coffee shop and saying, good day to the person who serves you, your coffee is another one.
Laughter is another one. That is a great way to complete the stress cycle because we can't be all stressed and in fight or flight and be laughing a good, really amazing belly laugh at the same time. I really recommend something like an improv class if you're up for it. Improv strategies are great for helping us to really celebrate failure and mistakes and to listen to each other. They're just great relationship tools and they make you laugh so much. So that's one that's also not in the book, but it's one that brings laughter.
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to look at the list above, think about the things that are mentioned that can help to complete the stress cycle and to plan it into your day.
Laughter
Physical affection
Breathing
Meditation
Physical exercise.
How can you get those on a daily basis? This is important, because the stress is going to come, and it needs to be kicked out!
Thanks to Emily & Amelia’s book Burnout for this illuminating concept!
To learn more, read:
Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2020). Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. Ballantine Books.
