Did you know that one of the best ways to ensure that your marriage will last is to start TODAY to identify yourself as a couple who learns relationship tools? Don’t wait until there is a problem! Why is this so important?
According to research, the average couple waits 6 years before they seek help in their relationship. Yet half of all marriages that end do so in the first 7 years (https://www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/). The problem with waiting to have a problem before we ask for help is that we can unintentionally communicate to our partner that “we need help because you are defective.” That’s criticism and it’s a predictor of relationship meltdown.
But what if we don’t wait until there’s a problem? What if we seek help BEFORE there is a problem because we acknowledge that as human beings, we WILL have problems and there are tools that we can learn AHEAD OF TIME to empower us to manage conflict and to give each other the benefit of the doubt with more ease and joy?
One of the amazing things about living today is that we have research about what makes marriages succeed and what makes them fail, and if we can learn those tools BEFORE there is a problem, we can have healthier, happier relationships that last. The Gottman tools work because they help us to create habits that increase friendship, manage conflict, and give us a sense of shared meaning as a couple. Then when problems come up, we are more resilient. We can give each other the benefit of the doubt much more easily because the relationship has built up a higher level of trust and teamwork.
To get started on your journey to a relationship that is connected and long-lasting, join me for the Seven Principles that Make Marriage Work (a 6-week class or in-person weekend retreat) or join us at the Marriage Apocalypse Warrior Tribe (a membership community for busy families).
